With a moo and the sound of four people falling, Hika, Doodles, Teegs and DarkGatomon all found themselves in the room previously used for the torture of poor, helpless Harry Potter characters.

 

"Oh, God, Hika, what did you do now?"

 

"I found a really horrible fic, Doodles!" said Hika cheerfully.

 

"And that's supposed to be happy?

 

She thought for a moment. "Yes."

 

"How bad is it?" asked Teegs.

 

"Very, very bad. And evil."

 

"I'm guessing it's a Mary Sue," DG said. "Knowing you..."

 

Doodles shook her head. "Let's just get this over with..."

 

Legolas was riding along the woods and one day he found a baby whaped in colth

 

DG: Whaped?

 

Teegs: Colth?

 

Doodles: I'm not the only one who didn't get that, I see...

 

so he got off his horse and went to the baby and then Legolas said"who

 

Teegs: Could have written such a horrible thing?

 

Hika: CAPITALIZE, DAMMIT!

 

Doodles: (To Hika) Simmer!

 

left you here little one"

 

DG: Obviously someone who didn't want the thing.

 

and then the baby just cryed and then Legolas pick her up

 

Teegs: *commanding tone* Legolas, pick her up!

 

Hika: This author has real problems. It's like... one big run on sentence... and cried is spelt wrong... and...

 

Doodles: We GET IT, Hika.

 

and hold her and then the baby stoped crying and then Legolas said"your name is going be Laura"

 

DG: What a wonderful Elvish name!

 

and then Legolas and the baby went onto the horse and went back to the castle where he lived.

 

Doodles: ...that's the first period in the whole thing.

 

DG: That's sad.

 

All: *nod*

 

Legolas said"father mother I found this little baby in the woods and then Legolas mother got up and walked down and said

 

Hika: (Legolas' Mother) "Why, there are so many run on sentences here!"

 

"how can people put baby

 

Teegs: I no speak English.

 

in the woods and to die".Then Legolas father

 

DG: How many of you wanna bet that the author doesn't know Legolas' father is named Thranduil?

 

Hika: How many of you wanna bet the author failed English many, many times?

 

All: *raise hands*

 

said"we are going to keep her"and then Legolas was happy for someriseing.

Doodles: Someriseing? What the hell is that?

 

Teegs: The author makes up random characters, why not words?

 

10 Years Later

 

Hika: They all die. The end.

 

DG: You wish.

 

Legolas got up and went into Laura's room and said"good moring"and then Laura said "good moring too".

 

Doodles: Wow! Legolas said "Good Morning", and then she said the same thing! WOW!

 

Hika: They didn't say "Good Morning", they said "good moring".

 

Then Legolas said"whats a matter"

 

Teegs: That's a good question. What *is* a matter?

 

DG: *pulls out dictionary* Matter. Something that occupies space and can be perceived by one or more senses; a physical body, a physical substance, or the universe as a whole. The substance of thought or expression as opposed to the manner in which it is stated or conveyed. A subject of concern, feeling, or action. Trouble or difficulty. An approximated quantity, amount, or –

 

Doodles: *raises hand to quiet her* We get the point.

 

and then Laura said"Legolas I want to know how to ride a horse".

 

Teegs: Randomly.

 

Then Legolas said"Ok"

 

DG: Randomly.

 

Hika: *blinks* People didn't say "ok" in Middle-earth.

 

Doodles: Please don't start ranting...

 

and then Legolas said"first you get dresses

 

Teegs: Dresses are necessary for riding a horse.

 

and have something to eat and then we will go for a horse ride lesson".

 

Doodles: *ahem* Horse riding lesson. I will not stand for anything butchered that has to do with horses.

 

Hika: *absent-mindedly pats Doodles on the head*

 

Mean while Strider and Gandalf was rideing towards where Legolas lived

 

DG: *helpfully* Mirk...wood?

 

Teegs: Geez, they don't know where he lives either?

 

and then Strider said"Gandalf I did not know Legolas had a sister"and then Gandalf said"I did not know aswell".

 

Hika: Neither did we. It kinda sneaks up on you like that.

 

Mean While

 

Doodles: You mean while!

 

at Mondor

 

All: *snort*

 

Doodles: Okay, that's just sad.

 

the dark lord

 

DG: Betcha they don't know his name either.

 

Hika: *quickly scans fic* Nope!

 

was planing to kidnap the princess but not Legolas.

 

Teegs: ...why?

 

Then the boss of the Orcs

 

Hika: The orcs don't have a "boss". Well, at least not one that's an orc...

 

came and said"I'll get her for you sir"and then the Dark lord said"yes you can".

 

Doodles: Oo. Scary.

 

DG: I'm shaking in my knickers.

 

Mean while

 

Doodles: There's that mean while again.

 

Legolas and Laura was horseriding

 

Hika: Two words...

 

and then Laura said"Legolas whos that"and then Legolas looked and it was Gandalf and Strider.Legolas said"that is Gandalf and Strdier"and then Strider said"Legolas"and then Legolas said

 

DG: And then Legolas said...

 

Teegs: And then Strider said...

 

Doodles: And then Gandalf said...

 

Hika: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

 

Doodles: It's all your fault. You picked it out.

 

Hika: ...and?

 

"Strider long time seen"

 

All: Huh?

 

and then Strider said"hows you"

 

Teegs: And then Legolas said "Mes good".

 

and then Legolas said"I am fine"and then Gandalf said"whos this then"and then Legolas said"meet Laura I found her in the woods when she was just a baby".Laura was shy at first and then Legolas said"Laura come and meet Strider and Gandalf"and then Laura said"hello I am Laura".Legolas said"she is the princess"and then Strider said"she is so cute"

 

DG: *snort* Aragorn said "She is so cute"? Oh, Jebus...

 

Hika: These "And then she said, and then he said," is really starting to annoy me.

 

Teegs: *nodded* They're great a writing dialogue.

 

and then Legolas said"that will be my falut"and then Gandalf said"why"and then Laura said"he protects me thats why"

 

Doodles: And that would make her cute... how?

 

and then Legolas looked up and said"I think we should go back to the castle"and then Laura said"I can feel it too".

 

DG: What can you feel?

 

Hika: Her upcoming death... *looks around for a butcher knife*

 

Legolas said"do you want to stay for a night"and then Gandalf and Strider said"yes please"

 

Doodles: So they just rode there randomly or something? Gandalf and Aragorn have a lot more important things to do then just go visiting

 

Legolas on a whim.

 

and then they had tea and went to bed.During the night Legolas ask the gards

 

Teegs: The what?

 

DG: I think they mean "guards"...

 

to keep an eye on Laura's room.Mean while

 

Doodles: GAH! I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO JOKE ABOUT IT! MEANWHILE IS ONE. WORD.

 

Hika: What really bothers me is that they don’t put a space between sentences.

 

the Orcs climed up the window and grabed Laura and then Laura woke up and screamed and then

 

DG: And then?

 

Teegs: And then I'll have some eggdrop soup...

 

DG: And then?

 

Hika: Don't forget the fortune cookies!

 

Teegs: Oh, yeah! And then I'll have some fortune cookies.

 

DG: And then?

 

Teegs: And then that's it!

 

DG: And then?

 

Teegs: That's all I want...

 

DG: And then?

 

Teegs: And then you put it in a box, hand it to me, and I'll give you your money!

 

DG: And then?

 

Teegs: If you say "And then" one more time...

 

DG: ..........AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN...

 

the gard went into her room and saw lots of Orcs

 

Doodles: Really?

 

and then Legolas ran down the hall.Then Legolas said"where is Laura"and then the gards said"the Orcs took her".

 

Hika: Phht. Some guards they are.

 

DG: They aren't guards, they're gards.

 

Mean while the Orcs was back at Mondor

 

Doodles: MEANWHILE!

 

Hika: MORDOR!

 

and then Laura said"put me down"and then the Orcs did

 

Teegs: And you thought the "gards" were bad.

 

and then the Dark lord came out of the fire

 

DG: Randomly.

 

and said"welcome Laura"and then Laura looked at him and said"no it can't be"

 

Doodles: Yes! It is!

 

Hika: It's the PPC, here to kill your sorry ass!

 

and then she tryed to run away but the Orcs got her.Then the Dark lord said"put her into the cell and bet her

 

Teegs: I see your slash and I'll raise you a Mary Sue!

 

DG: I see your Mary Sue, and I'll raise YOU a MST.

 

and also do what ever you want with her but do not kill her".

 

Hika: NO! PLEASE! KILL HER!

 

Then the Orcs took her to the cell and trow her into the cell and then they shut the door.

 

Doodles: STAY. IN. ONE. TENSE.

 

Laura go up and went to the window and looked out and she was wishing that Legolas or someone will save her.Mean while

 

Doodles: -.- I give UP.

 

back at the castle of Milkwood

 

All: ........

 

Hika: *holds up bottle of milk* Milkwood! It gives you lots of nice calcium so murderers can't break your bones!

 

Legolas was getting the army ready to go and save Laura.Mean while Laura was sitting on the floor and then the door opened and it was some

Orcs and the Orcs tied Laura with some chains and then one of the Orcs striped her

 

Teegs: They striped her? How can you stripe a person?

 

DG: With paint!

 

and then he raped her

 

All: ....ewwwwwwwww...

 

Hika: AH! I told you! The orcs do rape people! Like they did to Frodo!

 

All: *pause* BAD MENTAL IMAGE! BAD MENTAL IMAGE! BAD MENTAL IMAGE!

 

and then Laura said"go away you bastard".Then another Orc came with a whip and whiped her hard and then the Orcs all togeter bet her almost to death and then the Dark Lord came in with a tube of Posion and then he injeted into Laura.

 

All: Yay! He killed her!

 

Hika: ...*sigh* We wish.

 

Few hours later

Legolas and the others was on the way to Mondor

 

All: MORDOR!

 

to save princess Laura.Mean while

 

Doodles: ONE. FIRKEN. WORD.

 

Teegs: And don't use it so much!

 

in the cell where Laura was been kept Laura woke up and she looked on her body there was blood and scars she only could move her right

arm but not her left.

 

DG: I think we understood that when you said she could only move her right arm.

 

Hika: This message brought to you by the Department of Redundancies Department.

 

Then Laura said"I feel so cold"and then she can't see very well.At the frount gates of Mondor was Legolas and the others and then they

said"let Laura go"and then the Dark lord said"no"

 

Teegs: Magically hearing them all the way from Barad-dur.

 

and then Legolas said"right lisson

 

Doodles: What's a right lisson?

 

I'll will clim up to the cell and get Laura and you and the others will find another way in.Then Strider said"alright" and then Legolas started to clim up.

 

DG: Oh, yes. It's terribly easy to get into Mordor.

 

Hika: But this isn't Mordor. It's Mondor.

 

DG: Point.

 

Mean while Strider and the others ran into Mondor and went into the castle.Gandalf said"I'll will go and kill the Dark lord and you and the others go and help Legolas".Strdier said"becareful"and then Gandalf said"I will don't you worry about me".

 

Hika: He should. Sauron can't be destroyed while the Ring survives.

 

Doodles: Maybe this takes place after the War of the Ring.

 

DG: Then Sauron wouldn't be in this fic...

 

Teegs: Either way, it's horribly wrong.

 

Mean while Legolas got to the cell where Laura is.Legolas said"Laura are you in there"

 

DG: Of course she is! Don't you see that big, neon sign saying "This is the secret cell we keep Laura in"?

 

and then Laura said"Oh Legolas you finally came"and then Legolas said"are you alright"and then Laura said"no I am not alright"and then Legolas said"they bet you up and raped you also the Dark lord gave you the posion"and then Laura said"how did you know that".Then Legolas said"when I was your age they did the samething to me".

 

All: THE ORCS RAPED LEGOLAS TOO?

 

Doodles: MY MIND! MY BEAUTIFUL MIND!

 

Then Laura said"can you get me out of here"and then Legolas said"ok stand back"and then he ran back and ran towards the door and knock it down.

 

Teegs: Um... if it's a cell, why is there a door?

 

DG: Maybe the cell had a door instead? You know, like those weird ones.

 

Hika: Wouldn't it be called a room then?

 

Laura said"wow"and then Legolas looked and saw she was coved in Blood and scars also she was naked"

 

Doodles: Why does that require a quotation mark?

 

and then Legolas said"why they did it to you not me"

 

DG: Because they already did. You said so yourself.

 

and then the Orcs came and said"because she got a power and she can distoy us all the bad guys".

 

Teegs: Why call yourself the "bad guys"?

 

Hika: Because it's a horribly written Mary Sue.

 

Then the fright began

 

DG: Oh, it began quite a while ago.

 

Hika: We're all terribly scared.

 

Legolas got out his bow and arrows andstarted fireing at them.Then Legolas saw some swords and said"Strider is that you"

 

Doodles: Aragorn is NOT a sword.

 

and then Strider said"yes it is"and then Legolas and the others started to kill the Orcs.

 

Teegs: ...it's so... anti-climatic.

 

Mean while Gandalf is have a fun time trying to distory the Dark lord.

 

Hika: Oh, yes, it's great fun!

 

Gandalf said"I wish Frodo and Merry and Pippen and Sam was here"

 

DG: USE COMMAS!

 

Doodles: I think "and" is the most commonly used word in this fic.

 

and then a sword came out of nowhere and said"some wished us here"

 

All: ...huh?

 

and then Gandalf turned and said"Frodo baggins why you doing here".

 

DG: I'm going to ignore the really bad grammer...

 

Hika: BECAUSE FRODO'S HERE!

 

Both: *squeal*

 

Then Frodo said"we came to help you and also we got rid of the ring"

 

Hika: ...okay. Let me think here. Gandalf is alive, which he should be, but not to the shock of anyone, Legolas was back in Mirkwood... Gimli is

nowhere to be seen, and all four hobbits destroyed the Ring together.

 

Teegs: Someone didn't read the books.

 

Doodles: Someone didn't even watch the movie.

 

and then the Dark Lord said"oh no"and then the magical powers from Gandalf distoryed the Dark lord.

 

All: *blink blink* Oh...kay...

 

Mean while Legolas and Strider and the others was helping Laura down and Strider took off his cape and put it around Laura.

 

DG: ...and the point of that is...?

 

FEW HOURS LATER

Legolas and the others are on the way back to the castle.Legolas said"we must go to Rivendell to get Laura better".

 

Hika: Why not to Lorien? Or Mirkwood? Or Gondor? Or why not just find some athelas?

 

Then Gandalf said"I think you are right"and then they turned around and went to Rivendell.Legolas looked down on Laura and put his hand onto Laura's head and she was bruning up.

 

Doodles: What's bruning?

 

Strider went aside of Legolas horse and looked and said"she is getting wose"

 

Teegs: What's wose?

 

DG: ...maybe this whole fic is in a different language.

 

Hika: That would explain a lot.

 

and then Legolas said"I know".

 

Doodles: Well, it's pretty obvious.

 

FEW HOURS LATER

They were at Rivendell and Legolas stayed at Laura's side everyday intill she wakes up

 

Hika: It's horrible. He stayed at her side until she wakes up. STAY IN ONE TENSE!

 

and then Legolas kissed Laura on her lips

 

All: *point and scream* MARY SUE!

 

and then she moved her arms around Legolas and then Legolas said"all you alright"and then Laura said"yes I am".Legolas said"I am soo

happy"

 

Teegs: (Valley Girl) I am like, soooo happy!

 

and then Laura said"Do you want to be my boyfriend"

 

All: o.O

 

DG: That was random.

 

and then Legolas said"yes I will be your boyfriend"and then Laura and Legolas kissed again.

 

Doodles: Did they even have the word "boyfriend" in Middle-earth?

 

Hika: And just how long was Laura in captivity? When the fic started, she was like... ten years old...

 

All: *pause*

 

DG: That's just wrong.

 

Laura said"what happened to me Legolas"and then Legolas said"you got kidnaped by the Orcs and they raped you and also bet you almost to death and then the Dark lord gave you some posion"

 

All: WE KNOW!

 

and then Laura said"why I can only move on arm"and then Legolas said"your left arm is broken".

 

Teegs: Uh... duh?

 

Then the door opened and it was Strider and then Laura said"Hello Strider"and then Strider said"I see you are awake"and then Laura

 

Hika: Abruptly ended the fic.

 

DG: Randomly.

 

Doodles: You mean that's it?

 

Hika: *nods* Yup.

 

Teegs: THANK YOU, JEBUS!